The Daily Valet. - 5/9/25, Friday

Friday, May 9th Edition
Cory Ohlendorf  
By Cory Ohlendorf, Valet. Editor
It's been a long week ... take care and rest up.

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1440

Today’s Big Story

The First American Pope

 

Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost is now Pope Leo XIV

 

That was quick. Early on Thursday, Robert Francis Prevost was elected the 267th pope of the Roman Catholic Church, becoming the first pope from the United States. The announcement defied a longstanding belief that church leaders would never select a pope from a global superpower that already has considerable influence in world affairs.

Born and raised in Chicago, Illinois, the cardinal who emerged on the Vatican balcony as Pope Leo XIV, lived and worked in Peru as a missionary and parish priest—so long he eventually obtained dual citizenship. More recently, the 69-year-old has served the Vatican as a close aide to the late Pope Francis.

In selecting Prevost, the conclave appears to be betting that his mixed identity—a pope both of America and the world—will serve him well as leader of a global church trying to navigate a time of turmoil and transition. He used his first words from a Vatican balcony to speak of peace in the world and “a united church, always seeking peace and justice.” He will soon confront difficult decisions affecting the direction of the church and the world’s 1.4 billion Roman Catholics.

Often described as reserved and discreet, the New York Times says he may depart stylistically from Francis as pope. Supporters believe he will most likely continue the consultative process started by Francis to invite lay people to meet with bishops. A mentee of his described him to the Times as a “dignified middle of the road.” It’s unclear whether he will be as open to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Catholics as Francis was. Although he’s not said much recently, in a 2012 address to bishops, he lamented that Western news media and popular culture fostered “sympathy for beliefs and practices that are at odds with the Gospel.” Then again, let’s hope he—like us all—have learned a thing or two and evolved our thinking over the last decade.

And while I’m sure we’ll all learn more about Leo in the coming weeks and months, there are some clues that outlets found online. For instance, an account by his name has retweeted and shared critical posts about the Trump administration, including one that read, “Vance is wrong: Jesus doesn't ask us to rank our love for others.” And in 2024, he said it was time to move “from words to action” on the deterioration of the environment, the official Vatican News site reported, adding that “dominion over nature” should not be “tyrannical.”

 
Allegiances:
 
In his hometown, Chicagoans asked if pope cheered for the White Sox or the Cubs? According to his brother, he's a Sox fan.

More Government Shake-Ups

 

The administration’s musical chairs continue

Cameron Hamilton, who had been acting administrator of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, was escorted out of FEMA’s headquarters on Thursday and fired—a day after telling Congress the agency should not be disbanded, putting him at odds with President Donald Trump's suggestions that FEMA be downsized or dissolved. Not the best time, considering hurricane season starts in less than a month. According to the Associated Press, he was replaced by another official from the Department of Homeland Security.

Trump appointee Kristi Noem, whose Department of Homeland Security oversees FEMA, has repeatedly criticized the agency as partisan, inefficient, and unnecessary. The administration has claimed FEMA uses “woke” ideologies to appropriate funds. Trump has also suggested that individual states, not the federal government, should take the lead on hurricanes, tornadoes and other crises. The president has also been sharply critical of FEMA’s performance, particularly in North Carolina after Hurricane Helene.

Trump also abruptly fired Librarian of Congress Carla Hayden on Thursday as the White House continues to purge the federal government of those perceived to oppose Trump’s agenda. Confirmed by the Senate to the job in 2016, Hayden was the first woman and the first African American to be librarian of Congress. But it wasn’t all firings. Trump announced Thursday night that he is appointing Fox News host Jeanine Pirro as interim U.S. attorney for Washington, D.C., calling the former prosecutor “incredibly well qualified for this position” and noting that Pirro’s show was “one of the highest rated on television.”

 
Meanwhile:
 
Up to 1,000 transgender troops are being moved out of the military in a new Pentagon order.

Americans Are Keeping Cars Longer

 

Uncertainty about EVs and a slowing economy have many car buyers holding onto their vehicles

The thrill of a new car is a big draw for many Americans, but not enough to make them actually buy. Automobile owners in the United States are holding on to their vehicles longer, according to a new study. Researchers found that nearly 40% of respondents can’t afford a new vehicle, and many owners plan to keep their vehicles until the wheels fall off.

Sixty-three percent of respondents say they’ve kept their vehicles because they are no longer making payments, and high loan interest rates in the current market climate won’t help change that. Fifty-three percent of respondents say “reliability” keeps their vehicles in the driveway. In comparison, 40% say they’re happy with their current vehicle’s comfort and convenience. Thirty-nine percent of respondents say they can’t afford a new vehicle, again harkening to high interest rates and the average price of a new car creeping upward. Autoblog reports that over the span of a decade, the average cost of a new car has soared 62%, outpacing inflation by a wide margin.

This could explain why, according to another report, the average age of U.S. cars and light trucks this year rose to a record 13.6 years in late 2024. Then again, this is also because cars are better made. Getting the odometer past 100,000 miles has gone from being noteworthy to normal. This must be good news for mechanics—after four years, and up until they are around 11 years old, cars enter the industry’s sweet spot where they require a decent amount of upkeep.

 
Meanwhile:
 
The study found Tesla owners are most likely to have buyer’s remorse, keeping their vehicles for far shorter durations than competing brands.

A Weekend Pairing

 

‘Summer of 69’ + a Miller High Life

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A Weekend Pairing

 

‘Summer of 69’ + a Miller High Life

 

The always-hilarious comedian and actress Jillian Bell makes her directorial debut with this bawdy teen sex comedy that will remind my fellow elder millennials of going to the theater to see American Pie. In Summer of 69, streaming now on Hulu, an awkward high school senior hires an exotic dancer (played by a very convincing Chloe Fineman) to help seduce her longtime crush before graduation. It ultimately leads to unexpected friendship and lessons in self-confidence, acceptance and adulthood.

Abby (played by Sam Morelos) attends at a Catholic high school and hasn’t even kissed a boy and thinks a rim job is someone squeezing your breasts. So when she learns that her decade-long crush, (played by Matt Cornett) and allegedly super into 69-ing, she’s intimidated … but inspired. What could go wrong? Critics are calling the film a “crash course in carnal knowledge” and that it’s as sweet as it is spicy. And as of today, it boasts a 100% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes.

Pair It With

 

Something about this movie brings me back to my youth, drinking cheap beer. Not that all cheap beer is bad. In fact, Miller High Life remains a crisp, easy-drinking option that some say is the epitome of the American lager category. And I love these little pony bottles—the original micro brew.

Also Worth a Watch:
 
Nonnas’ on Netflix; ‘Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse’ on Disney+

Partner

News. Without Motives.

 

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Shopping

What We’re Buying

 

Underwear

 

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Get It:
 
Modal boxer briefs, $58 / $20.80 (for a three-pack) by Skims

Morning Motto

Find your jam.

 

Maybe music will fix me.

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@caitlynmarieprints

 

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